Episode 47: The Monkey Treatment and The Pear-Shaped Man


Bastards of Kingsgrave continues our reviews of George RR Martin’s earlier works, this time focusing on horror. We have an in-depth, spoiler filled discussion about The Monkey Treatment and The Pear-Shaped Man, both available in Dreamsongs. We debate about the origin of the “Monkey Lords” and “Cheez Lords”, drawing disturbing connections between both stories. To your delight or horror, this is the longest BOK episode recorded and produced to date, including a reading from the The Pear-Shaped Man. You will never look at Cheez Doodles the same way again.

Notes: The Cheez Doodles webpage and Facebook page were thoroughly explored during the podcast aftershow. The short stories are most readily available Dreamsongs Volume 1. We will be continuing our Martinsphere reviews, submit your questions here or in the BOK subforum.

Episode 47 download link (right click and download).


3 responses to “Episode 47: The Monkey Treatment and The Pear-Shaped Man

  1. (Reposting original forum comment as per Amin’s request on the forums)

    This was one of the funniest BOK episodes so far, definitely a classic for House Manwoody. XD

    My favourite parts (trying so hard not to list every single moment here):
    -the discussion about whether the monkey could be detected/removed by going to the hospital, and why having the doctor get high beforehand could help;
    -the possible solution of getting a pack of trained mongooses or pit bulls to kill the monkey;
    -everything involving the Monkey Lord Conspiracy and its connection to the Cheez Doodle Conspiracy (and Illyrio);
    -“this story and the other are always about creepy guys pulling down their pants” (disturbing but so true!);
    -the discussion about the doctors’ weird comments to Kenny about his “friend” (and related to that, the quote “broke his fall like a giant pillow, or The World of Ice and Fire”);
    -how the Pear-Shaped Man would be a good idea for a Halloween costume;
    -having Cheez Doodles as a new APOIAF inside joke (I support that idea 100% :P);
    -the power of seduction of Cheez Doodles (“What kind of guy serves Cheez Doodles on a plate when he has a girl over?”, “Instead of rose petals on the bed it’s just the powder”);
    -the horrid and nausea-inducing “it was small and wormy and kind of yellow like a Cheez Doodle” description (cheezwoody?) and the reactions to it;
    -the various theories about how the Pear-Shaped Man managed to get the Cheez Doodles into Jessie’s room;
    -comments about Angie and Don being horrible friends, and Don’s casual suggestion of murder;
    -the reading of the creepy scene where Jessie enters the Pear-Shaped Man’s apartment (and the overall mood switch that happens with the “He has a broken TV? What a loser!” comment);
    -the possible origin of the Pear-Shaped Men (“his little bedroom apartment is some kind of vortex that has been there since before time”);
    -everything related to Cheez Doodles aside from the above, including the crazy website (sounds like a glimpse into some sort of psychedelic crazy dream).

    -I think that getting medical help would be useless in terms of removing the monkey (though that’s just my opinion). The Monkey Lords surely would have that in mind, and the psychological effects could extend to the monkeys being undetectable by any kind of exam, and not being felt as a physical presence if someone happened to believe Kenny (or other monkey-afflicted individuals) and touch them in the place where they claimed the monkey was. Or, more likely, they would just be sent to a psychiatric ward by raving about a psychotic parasitic monkey (that has to have happened to quite a few people who got the treatment before).
    -There must be some kind of cultural dissonance here, because I just found it so weird that most of you guys hadn’t eaten pears for years. When I think of pears I just think of “super common fruit”, and going a whole month or so without eating a pear would already be unusual (well, unless you specifically don’t like pears). Kind of a random comment, I know, but it just stuck out to me.
    -I’m kind of wondering now if Angie and Don were affected by the mind-control effect of the Pear-Shaped Man in some way that would cause them to dismiss Jessie’s complaints, see the Pear-Shaped Man as completely harmless, etc. (that or they really wanted her gone).
    -Yet another personal opinion: I think Jessie hasn’t really lost her memories post-body switch, but the process left her disoriented (and like the monkey, the effect of the Pear-Shaped Man prevents her from saying something that could let people know she’s trapped in his body). Some sort of partial memory loss and minor(?) brain damage might be involved as well (resulting directly from the body switch process).

  2. Lol. Maelys the Monstrous is a monkey-lord and Illyrio Mopatis, the cheese-doodlemonger, is the pear-shaped man. Headcanon accepted.

  3. Podcast gold. Well done everyone

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